Article by Abby Picard, Domestic and Sexual Violence Services
(Posted 2023 October)
Wednesday, October 11, is National Coming Out Day, a day which celebrates lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, and queer (LGBTQ+) people being open about their sexuality and gender identity. The day was first celebrated in 1988 and is often recognized by LGBTQ+ people by sharing their stories of “coming out”– when they first told individual people about their identity or started living as openly LGBTQ+ in their lives and communities.
The LGBTQ+ community is diverse, and many people make the choice to come out or keep their identity private for different reasons. Some people may choose to come out because of their life circumstances, such as a transgender person who wants to go by a different name and pronouns or a gay person who starts dating someone of the same gender. But many LGBTQ+ people who choose to come out do so because they want to share who they are, either with their loved ones or with everyone in their life.
Even if you do not think you have a family member or loved one who is a part of the community, it is important for everyone to show their support for LGBTQ+ people. You will also be showing people in your life that you are a safe person for them to ask questions, be open with about their identity, and talk to if they experience bullying or discrimination.
Whether or not someone chooses to come out is a very personal decision, and no one should be forced to come out or have someone out them against their wishes. Here are some ways you can show your support for the LGBTQ+ community and respond if someone in your family or community comes out to you – whether that person is a teenager, in their 70s, or anywhere in between.
How do you show support for LGBTQ+ people?
- Educate yourself about LGBTQ+ people and identities using resources such as The Trevor Project and Human Rights Campaign. By reading this article, you have already started this step!
- Talk openly about your support for LGBTQ+ rights when stories come up in the media or LGBTQ+ public figures – musicians, celebrities, athletes, or politicians – come out.
- Use visual signs that show you support the community such as displaying a rainbow flag magnet on your refrigerator or car.
- Push back against hateful speech or anti-LGBTQ+ comments by family and friends. Some examples of how to do this might include: “I do not feel comfortable with that language; please do not use it in my home” or “You might not realize this, but that is a very hurtful thing to say about people in the LGBTQ+ community.”
- Talk to others in your community about your support and share resources you find helpful.
How do you respond to someone coming out to you?
- Thank them for telling you and for trusting you with this information.
- Tell the person you care about them and their identity does not change how you feel about your relationship or friendship.
- Ask whether it is OK for you to talk to others about their identity. If they ask you not to tell others, avoid pushing them to share with anyone else until they are comfortable.
- Ask if they would like to talk about what their identity means to them and let them share in their own words.
- If they are transgender, ask what name and pronouns they would like you to use to refer to them and practice using them.
- Be open to new information about their identity and be willing to be corrected. There are many different words people use to describe who they are, and they might not be what you expect.
Want to learn more about these topics? Register for an upcoming, free Unpacking Gender workshop. To find a workshop near you, visit Fairfax County Public Library's event webpage at FairfaxCounty.gov/library/events and search for “Unpacking Gender."
This article is part of the Golden Gazette monthly newsletter which covers a variety of topics and community news concerning older adults and caregivers in Fairfax County. Are you new to the Golden Gazette? Don’t miss out on future newsletters! Subscribe to get the electronic or free printed version mailed to you. Have a suggestion for a topic? Share it in an email or call 703-324-GOLD (4653).